Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
