Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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