im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
