Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
