so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
