Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
