We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
