Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
