Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
