We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
