The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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