watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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