I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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