are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
