my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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