i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
