my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
