I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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