she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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