You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i love accidental penises.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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