Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
