two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
