aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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