Pappa wants mamma naked
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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