I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
