true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
