I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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