Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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