You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
