I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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