The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
