This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
