My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
