Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
