Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
