Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
