i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
one might say we're banned from that church
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
