That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
