he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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