Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
