first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
