he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
