your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
