If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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