I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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