I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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