i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
