I am midnight drunk by noon
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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