based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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