haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
