Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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