I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
