I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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