I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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