i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
