He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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