You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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