PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
