your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
