I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
