The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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