I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
