Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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