just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think your dad took our porno
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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