3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I won the penis lottery.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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